eugenietan

It was bare land. The soil was futile. The owner planted a seed and he told me, “Help me take care of it. Water it, will you?” I nodded. Then he left. Deep within me, I knew I had a part to play. This park belongs to us. I need to do my share. But the words of others drowned me. I never bought myself to believe something so good would be mine. I never watered the seed. I never took care of it. One day, the owner returned. And he wondered why there was no growth but a dormant seed. He looked at me. And he asked, “You water it, did you?” I nodded. I lied. As optimistic as he is, he dug another hole and planted. Again, he said water it and left. I water it once, water it twice but I never got over the words of others to see the seedling grow into a tree. The seedling never grew but those wild grasses did. I knew I couldn’t move on so I left. I was drowned by his optimism, drowned by the words of others. He asked me why I never did. I said nothing.

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Then, there was a second park. Everything was good. As fully furnished as it is, I bask in its completion. But this owner is different. He wanted to give me more. “What about a waterfall? No?” I smiled. He never knew what I wanted. I never said it. One day I opened up my mouth, I said I wanted that flower. He bought it down for me. Got stung by a bee and had to succumb to an injection. Bet that hurts, huh? I was touched. I smiled. I voiced it once, never twice. Would you like these? I smiled. What about that? I smiled too. He gave me everything in his will. I smiled. So much, I can see its driving him crazy. That fine day, he looked at me, and said, “What is wrong? Tell me.” I wrote it all on the notice board at the guard house. He went, read it, looked at me, finished reading and ran. I went to look for you that night. But I never saw the shadow of you. One thing I wanted to tell you that I never did. “Someday someone will appreciate you. Believe me.”

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After much scrolling, I went back to the first park. Looked the mess I did and I wondered why. I never trust him. I never did. Was I too afraid to trust? I don’t know. Soon, he returned. He asked if I came back to water those seeds. I smiled and said nothing. He asked for dinner. I agreed. But he ordered something I don’t want to eat. I don’t know how to eat. Nonetheless, I looked at him and smiled. Was it his fault? No, cause he never knew. Why did I return? Cause of feelings? Or cause of guilt? Or cause I always wanted to do those things I never did? Or cause he was too good to be true? I don’t know exactly. It’s probably a little of everything. But I said nothing, he never knew. This land, this soil, this park.. It’s no longer mine. I will move on, I know I will. Returning the key to the owner. I knew if I ever look back again, this park will be the most beautiful one.

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I never how it is like to move on. Till now. Anguish overwhelmed me for being so dumbfounded. I never mentioned those words in my heart. I hid it all. I don’t know why. I wish this road that leads to the other unseen, foreseen park will be a long journey. So I would learn to open my mouth and speak. So I would learn not to bury my words, my emotions, my wants and my needs. Every parent was worried over their baby. Baby can only cry and smile for it is not capable of expressing itself yet. Am I one baby? Will this baby grow? Yes, I believe it will. Given time. I don’t need a flowery, exotic, exclusive park. I only wanted a simple Japanese garden with bamboos and a shade for us to talk. I don’t take spicy food and I don’t like tobe’s white chocolate. And I’m sorry for being dumbfounded all these years.